The Shubin Report - Everything Leads to Now, Part 2
Crazy idea #2: a self-assigned, 500-page research project on two sex abuse cases
The Shubin Report - Everything Leads to Now, Part 2
Big Endeavor #2 was not a money-maker, nor was it meant to be. It was a 500-page, self-assigned research project on two sex abuse cases involving children and early teens. I spent a year investigating. I discovered that I'm good at that and I like investigating, but the topic was something I never wanted to look at again.
How on earth did I get going on that? Well, that is the question, now isn’t it? It’s one I’ve asked myself over and over for nearly a decade now.
The cases were church-related and occurred in the denomination we were part of at the time. We have six children, and every one of the children involved in the cases were in the age range of my own. My oldest daughter shared a birthday with and was the same age as one of the victims was when her abuse began. The transference was terrible.
The cases were neither local to me nor recent, but one of the perpetrators had violated his parole terms, which popped him back into the news. Still, that might have blown right past my radar due to the distance and my own household busy-ness if my own pastor’s response when I asked him about it had not been that I shouldn’t talk about things I didn’t know anything about.
That turned out to be counter-productive. Immediately I began to research every single thing I could find and email bomb the info to my pastor. I wanted, and found, data. Lots.
I read hundreds of pages of court records, filed court document requests for more, spoke on the phone with the prosecutor for both cases, emailed back and forth with one of the judges and with corrections officers and with one of the victims and with the head of the denomination himself.
Turns out I’m pretty good at investigating and research. Finding the small things that didn’t add up and then tracing them down as far as I could go or finding sideways directions from which to approach them fueled me, but I couldn’t shake the subject matter, and eventually it consumed most of my mental space.
By the time the project wrapped, I was angry. Massively, colossally, Incredible Hulk angry. I thought it would go away once I finished, but it didn’t. I was angry all the time. After six months, I realized that I felt awful still and it wasn’t good for me and undoubtedly was no fun for anyone who had to live with me. So, I went to therapy. It then resolved within a few months.
The final report spanned 500 pages. The first hundred pages contained my own explanation and analysis. The following four hundred pages of primary source documents backed up everything I wrote in the first part.
I learned a few things from this project: (1) if I’m in heavy research mode, someone is toast, (2) I am capable of mounting, organizing, and completing a very large scale project, (3) investigating is fun and I’m good at it, (4) investigating sex abuse cases scrambles my brain and makes me angry at everything.
Stay tuned for Part 3 - My next business idea turns my husband’s side hustle into the family business that has been our primary income source for the last eight years.
And now, an Irish blessing because I like those:
May peace and plenty bless your world
With a joy that long endures
And may all life's passing seasons
Bring the best to you and yours.
I post The Sooth episodes on Wednesdays and other stuff on Fridays. And also sometimes things on Mondays.
I may also post at other times, but mostly on those days (I shoot for 6:00am PST delivery but don’t always quite make that). See you then!
About Rachel
I’m a writer, data analyst, Mom to six, and slightly weathered woman based in Oregon (I refuse to call myself “middle-aged”). That all sounds very mature and stuffy, which is why *this* is a space for play and experimentation and fun things.
About Purple Playground - Start Here
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Current book-in-progress: The Sooth
Juniper “Juni” Beauchard just wants to heal her father from his terminal illness but inadvertently sparks an intergalactic incident instead.
